Dear supposed literary genius William Faulkner,
WTF?! Because of your reputation as one of the great writers of the day, I decided to pick up a copy of "The Sound and the Fury" thinking it was a book I should know. I started the book several days ago and have managed to read a whopping 19 pages (technically 16 since the Norton's Critical Edition begins your story on page 3). Please note that I am of about average or slightly higher than average intelligence. I'm not slow, but I'm not tipping the scales on the genius side either (as you probably noted from my atrocious grammar). That being said, I don't get your art. Who is telling the story? I've counted three different first person accounts so far. What's with the italics? You don't use them in any way I've ever understood. What's the plot? So far it has yet to be determined. There is a new character in ever sentence, it seems, but you haven't really introduced them. There is no timeline. I can piece enough information together to understand that you are jumping back and forth around some event (that you haven't yet disclosed). Sometimes you are writing before this supposed event and sometimes you write after it. You don't let me know when you are switching either, you just assume I've come along with you. I guess I will give you the benefit of the doubt because you are William Faulkner for God's sake, but I hope that you will resolve some of these issues as the story unfolds...if there is one to unfold. Thanks for reminding me that I should have paid better attention in school.

Sincerely,
your mom

Dissonance

The scope of my last semester's study of Dental Hygiene (the course not the program as a whole) covers the topic of Ethics and Jurisprudence. In 4 weeks of textbook reading, website searches and classroom discussions I have discovered that I'm not sure I like the business of dentistry. Those who are employed in the field of dentistry are expected by the dental profession and by the public at large who receive dental "services" to uphold a code of ethics. This is all well and good. I have read and found great wisdom in the code of ethics for my profession and will have no problem adhering to what seems to be a reasonable set of principles that will guide and govern my practice. This code, however, seems only to exist in a dream world. I have left class every Friday feeling like my contribution to the health of the community bubble has been savagely crushed by fear of litigation and of dentists who are businessmen, not public servants-or at least individuals who are concerned with the overall welfare of their patients. Codes of ethics have been replaced by what insurance companies will pay for and by how much malpractice insurance you have. Yet we are still expected to uphold the code. I am not interested in working for a dentist who has no problem sending a patient away because he can't pay for a procedure that he needs (because thats super ethical right there). Nor am I interested in spending the first few years being afraid that I'm going to be sued because a guy with gingivitis bled while I cleaned his teeth. Here's where hypocrisy fits in. I wanted to be a hygienist because I was attracted to a stable and ample paycheck and and environment that allows me to spend time with my family. Oh yeah, and I want to make sure people are healthy too. Having almost finished school I still like the idea of having a nice paycheck, but now realize just how important my role is in keeping people healthy and preventing disease. I also have just realized how scared I am to find a job and to find one where I don't have to choose between my personal values/ethical code that I have taken on and ultimately selling out (working for a businessman) for a paycheck. I guess I'd have to decide if the paycheck is worth it. I could work for an inner city clinic, though that has it's own red tape issues probably just as frustrating as the ones I've just described. Though I have to say, I'm tired of being poor. I don't need to be rich by any means-but I also don't want to have to borrow from the family or throw hundreds of dollars on a credit card that I will spend 3 years paying off because my oil pan needs to be replaced....oi. Such weighty thoughts for a Friday evening. I'm going to ignore them now and watch American Gladiators.

Thank You, Captain Obvious

Kudos again to Yahoo! news for excellence in finding useless information. It appears that the National Institute of Health has funded a study on scratching and its effect on the portions of the brain. "They scratched 13 healthy people with a soft brush on the lower leg on and off in 30-second intervals for a total of five minutes."
The results: "'It's possible that scratching may suppress the emotional components of itch and bring about relief,' Yosipovitch said." Well, that's a load off now isn't it? I get pretty emotional about my itching. I like how he worded his results-scratching may supress itching. Researchers noted that "the study is limited because people were not scratching in response to an actual itch." I guess they can't just sit around waiting for people to get an itch. Maybe the subjects could watch The Seven Year Itch with some sensors on their heads or something so they can think about itching.
At the end of the article, almost as an aside (much like it is here), they let readers know how the study might actually be useful: "...understanding what goes on in the brain may lend clues about how to treat people tormented by chronic itch, including people with eczema and many kidney dialysis patients." If knowledge is power, I wonder what countries I can take over with this information.

Satellite Pt. 2

"Disabled spy satellite threatens Earth" The grim headline just in from Yahoo! news. Officials report that the satellite can no longer be controlled, may contain hazardous materials and they have no idea where it might hit sometime in late February or March. A little vague on the details. Did Yahoo just hire a writer from the Weekly World News? Is the hazardous material that could be on this satellite really the remains of Hitler? "Appropriate government agencies are monitoring the situation" Appropriate government agencies? I'm beginning to feel better. Really what they mean to say is "We don't know jack." And folks- don't tell. This information is classified as secret. At least important details such as where this thing might land...will I be late to school one day because a hazardous freaking satellite containing beryllium dropped from the sky onto my car?! The article goes on to say that breathing beryllium can cause chronic, incurable respiratory problems. Which kind of respiratory problem? "No ma'am we can't divulge that information at this time. It has been classified as secret." Listen, pal-didn't your mom ever tell you secrets don't make friends? Of course you won't have any friends left anyway because they are all dead from this satellite that fell from the sky crushing them beneath. Many thanks to Yahoo! news for a sensational story. "This paper contains facts. Pregnant man gives birth....that's a fact!"

New Books!

I've just received conformation from Amazon (that I did not get to by using Scott's link...sorry Scott) that they got my money! That means in 7-10 business days I get many books that are must haves in any library that I don't have yet. I got The Grapes of Wrath and Of Mice and Men, Catcher in the Rye, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Chronic-WHAT-cles of Narnia (in the original order) and Grace Eventually by Anne Lamott. I enjoyed Lamott's first 2 books on the subject of faith, so hopefully this on won't disappoint. The others I have read excepting the Grapes of Wrath. I'm looking forward to rereading these books and having them for when the girls are of age to read them as well.

Tahitian Treat

Does anyone else remember drinking Tahitian Treat as a kid? My folks brought over this 7Up that's basically carbonated juice and it reminded me of Tahitian Treat. I have such excellent memories of this delectable beverage and the sugar highs that it caused. Apparently you can still order Tahitian Treat online. 24 cans for $38!!!! The ad says you can take a trip down sugar infested memory lane which does sound totally enticing. But not for $38. *Sigh* I'll have to resort back to mixing pixy stix with mountain dew again. What a disappointment.

Where have all the cowboys gone?

A nagging question. Really. I'd guess they are wherever cowboys go. I actually really don't care where they are because I don't care about cowboys. This post has nothing at all to do with cowboys or their location. I guess if you count not caring about cowboys it kind of applies. The facts are these. At this moment young Mel has been a pastor's wife for 10 months, 3 days, 2 hours and 4 minutes (go watch Pushing Daisies and then you'll understand the phrasing). I haven't really considered myself to be a pastor's wife as such. I don't do all the things that typical pastors wives do like form knitting parties and ladies Bible studies or run the children's room or anything else of that nature. The past few months or so I've been wondering what that role means to me and to the people at Artisan. I don't know how approachable I am. I don't see myself as the warm and inviting person that I envision pastors wives as being. I'm sometimes socially awkward (mostly in large groups or around many women) and I don't always like to be around people who require me to give more of myself than I feel like giving (emotionally demanding people). Do not misunderstand me and think that I don't like people because I do. Sometimes I don't (like when I'm driving). Mostly I'm just retarded when it comes to relating to people or being able to help someone through a problem. And sometimes I'm a downright jerk and don't do things I probably should for various selfish reasons. At any rate, the purpose of this post was not to get down on myself for sucking at life and being a subpar pastor's wife but to throw it out to see what other people's conceptions are. Somewhere along the way I will arrive at a place that I can live with whether I'm comfortable or not (as I don't believe that God is always terribly concerned with how comfortable I am).

It's been a while

I've just remembered I have a blog page! What fun. Now that I can remember how to get here I will probably start writing again. I hope no one died waiting for my next post. Its an awful long time to hold one's breath.

Satellites

I've always thought that satellites were pretty cool-taking pictures of distant planets and galaxies far far away, but I decided to check out some satellite images literally from our backyard. This totally blows my mind. If I were high I'd really be wigged out. How cool to see a picture of my house taken from freakin space. I spent some time finding the house I lived in in Cincinnati and the Hollywood Video I worked at as well as the Skyline Chili I used to eat at. Then I found my grandparents house and my moms house and I found the compound. What fun. Check out http://maps.live.com to see your house or work or whatever you feel like spying on.

Wisdom from the Stall

Mike always says that he gets some of his best ideas while in the bathroom. Apparently he's not the only one. Here are some no doubt alcohol induced epiphanies written in the first stall at Richmond's Pub.

"Be the change you want to see in the world."

"Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about."

"If someone can make you smile without them being there that's when you know they've got you."
(Hardly "you had me at hello")

"Juuuu-dith! omg! she's like the crypt keeper"

"Always B honest even if it hurts Because you can always walk away being true to yourself"


Truly words to live by. Enjoy your newfound enlightenment!

Cara and Emily's Page

My grandmother used to take a million and a half pictures to capture memories of her family. I am terrible at this. Since I got a new digital camera for my birthday I figured I'd make good use of it! So if you get bored check out The Muscarella Chronicles for various anecdotes of the girls doings and pictures! Well, there aren't any pictures yet, but there will be shortly. Now we just have to go and do something post-worthy!

Kid Tested, Mother Disapproved

Did you know that Kellogg's cereals are a contributing factor in childhood obesity? It appears that some upset moms of obese children have targeted Kellogg's saying the sugary cereals aren't healthy enough for their kids. I'm sorry but the whole point of the cereals in question is that they are sugary. And if the cereal wasn't meeting health standards it would not have been approved by the FDA. Forgive my insensitivity for a moment here but this is what I hear after reading the article: "Heeeeyyy! I finally just realized that my kid is severely overweight! Never saw that coming! It must be all that sugary cereal Kellogg's has been marketing to my child!" At this point a few questions come to mind. Don't you, as a parent, buy they cereal from the store? Or am I supposed to believe that the youngster went to the store by him/herself and purchased the contraband cereal without your knowledge? What? Did little Timmy use his allowance or did he just steal a 20 from your wallet? If that's the case then you probably have more serious issues at hand here. Okay, so you bought the cereal. But you had to because little Timmy saw the commercial on TV and wouldn't stop begging you for it. And you had so little self control and wanted to give Timmy everything his little heart desired because he's your little angel! Whatever happened to "No"? It's true that childhood obesity is on the rise. While this is certainly regretable why is it Kellogg's fault? Obesity is not something that you wake up with the next morning. These parents have to notice that something is wrong. And I hardly believe that eating Kellogg's cereals and other Kellogg's products are to blame here. Turn off the video games or computer and make your kids go play outside! Somehow we seem to have forgotten that as parents we can control what our kids eat and how much exercise they get. And I'm not talking about exercise in the sense that they should join Bally's but how about an old fashioned ball game with some kids in the neighborhood? Heaven forbid your child should ride a bike to a friends house or just around the neighborhood. If, as a concerned parent, you believe that Kellogg's products aren't healthy enough for your kid, then don't buy them. Where has common sense gone?

Summer Days

Even though summer doesn't officially begin for another 18 days or so, it has officially begun at our house! The girls have already played in the sprinkler at Oma's house, been to a parade, flown kites and planted some flowers and been to the Dairy-An for some "iyth peeme" (better known as ice cream). Good times!

A Sad Day

My first car was a 1987 Chevy Cavalier. First cars usually are associated with some great memories most often about crazy high school capers and shenanigans=good times. I finally had the car towed away today to its final resting place in some guys garage being stripped for any useful parts. As the tow truck guy was dragging it up onto the truck bed I saw my East High School parking sticker in the window and was reminded of some fun adventures full of teenaged stupidity. However my most favored of memories are of sitting in the backseat drinking Sprite from a glass bottle (no plastic containers then) and eating Fun Dips, Rolos or Big League Chew while playing air guitar (or drums) with my brother. My father would listen to the oldies station (Pittsburgh's 94.5 3Ws) and we would sing and play looking like retards. Sometimes he would throw in the Kenny Rogers tape so we could listen to The Gambler, and even better was listening to the theme song from Great American Hero. Good times. I remember when my dad got that car brand new. I was 8. We used to wash and wax it together in the summer. I remember him keeping lists in the glove compartment of his gas mileage (which I found when cleaning out the car). I got the car from him after he passed away a very short 7 years later. I drove it until repair work exceeded the worth of the car in 2002. 15 years of memories. It's crazy how fast they all came back (even the small inconsequential ones) in that one moment of watching this ugly truck haul away a piece of my history. At least the tow truck guy was sympathetic and allowed me to take my time cleaning out the car before taking it. I sat in the drivers seat for the last time and in the backseat while retrieving 2 snowbrushes and the rearview mirror and found my first drivers license and first license plates and one of my dad's old fishing poles in the trunk. So, here's to a sad day but good memories. Cheers!

Funk-free teeth

Hello esteemed readers! I need to clean some teeth this semester and am left with the job of finding my own patients. If you have tartar on your teeth (or know someone who does) that is in dire need of being removed (and all tartar is in dire need of being removed) I need you. Cleanings are free so please don't hesitate to contact me if you need a cleaning. I have several requirements which I won't go into detail here but I can fill you in on if you respond. The semester starts the 22nd of January and I think I will be getting right to work the next week. I will know lots of details then. But for now I'm just spreading the word. Pass along this information to anyone you know. Also, please respond to stoner5279@yahoo.com so that I can keep all inquiries located in one place! Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!!

Dolly For Sale

I heard that the FDA has approved that it is ok for us consumers to buy and eat the meat of cloned animals. One source says this is an extremely expensive process (you think?) and another reports that this is a good thing because then we can clone and subsequently mass produce only the very best specimens for consumption. *Gasp* What if we have been eating inferior meat? But then, as the BBC reports, we will never know if we are eating inferior meat or not because the FDA sees no reason why the meat should be labeled as cloned or not. For all intents and purposes, this meat is no different than the meat we are buying now save that it didn't cost an exorbitant amount of money to just let the cows and the bulls have at it and produce naturally. I think this whole thing is "udderly" ridiculous (and yes, the pun had to be made). Are we experiencing a sudden shortage of cattle, pigs and the like? Plus, what will PETA have to say about this? Perhaps the self esteem of the rejected cattle should be considered here. Poor Bessie didn't get picked for cloning. Farmers of rejected cattle should make sure to rid their farms of electric fencing lest all the ostracized cattle might try to kill themselves.

Night

I got a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble from one of my students for Christmas and immediately went and spent it. I got 3 books...Night by Elie Wiesel, Heart of Darkness (with 2 bonus short stories) by Joseph Conrad and Turn of the Screw and the Aspern Papers both by Henry James. I decided to read Night first because it was a shorter book and I figured I'd be done reading it before I left for vacation. I did not really know what was in store for me when I bought the book, only having read the back of it and thinking it sounded interesting. Interesting was completely the wrong word for what the book was to me. If you haven't read it, it is Wiesel's account of what he experienced at the concentration camps of the Holocaust. The book left me with mixed emotions the greatest of which was feeling like I wasn't entitled to feeling any at all. Auschwitz was not my experience and it felt like I was patronizing his agony by feeling horrified and sad for what he and countless other people went through. One story he told was during a transport to another camp. A woman from the passenger part of the train they were on was throwing coins into the cattle cars and people were fighting to the death over this woman's pocket change. When she was asked to stop the woman replied "I like to give charity." I felt like I was as arrogant as that woman. I also felt that I was intruding on this man's very private and personal story. It seemed to be a sacred work, perhaps because this was not only his story but the story of hundreds and hundreds of thousands of others. I know well that he wrote this account down and published it so people would specifically read it, but it still felt as though this was information that I should not be privvy to. While it feels like saying anything to describe the book or my feelings about it does a disservice to his work and experiences, I felt that I had to say something just to process the whole thing. If you want to borrow the book let me know.

Stress, sir...it's a killer"

I can say that I have made it through my dental instrument exams successfully. That means I can go on to clinic next semester where I actually get to start hacking away at people's mouths (i suppose I should phrase that a tad more delicately, seeing as how i have to find my own patients). I cannot say that I made it through unscathed. So far this semester (with a week and a half left to go) i can calculate that I have taken 55 exams, 45 daily quizzes (for a class that meets twice a week and one that meets once a week) written 3 papers, completed 4 group projects (3 requiring presentations) read 3 books, and about 15 separate myths (each reading came with a daily quiz not accounted for in the exams or quizzes aforementioned), led 2 class discussion times and have committed countless (literally i can't calculate the number) hours spent doing homework or studying after 10 pm. I decided to take a mythology class this semester to make sure I had full credit for financial aid instead of gym. This was a stupid move. Not because mythology is stupid, the class was really great. It was stupid because it's an english course which actually requires time and intelligence to complete with any amount of success. Gym requires a pulse, somewhat regular attendance and doesn't even require you to close your mouth. At any rate, the stress of this semester is not one I was prepared for. I didn't mention yet that I teach lessons three nights a week. I am going insane. One classmate posed the question in an online discussion thread about where we saw ourselves after graduation. Would we be working in a strictly pedo office? How about working in an office for the underpriveleged? I suppose people's answers were honest enough, but I couldn't help feeling like I just watched the interview part of a miss america pageant. the last part of the discussion read "why don't you save your answer and print it out so you can get it out ten years from now and reflect on it?" yeah right. i have a place you can save your answer. it will probably take you ten years to dislodge it from your body. It's too bad, becuase the girl that asked the question is really nice and I have no real beef with her. But i hate retarded questions like that. And, while I am proud of what I've done this semester, i realize that i still have three more to go, each just a little more challenging than the previous. Graduation isn't even on my radar. I just want to make it to winter break. Now that I've gotten that out of me I think i'll go to bed.

Bumper sticker fun

I always enjoy reading bumper stickers (much to the detriment of my brakes because i always have to slam them because i was too distracted by reading the bumper stickers on the car ahead of me). I saw one the other day that said "Jesus is my boss. I trust Him and you can too." My heart was strangely warmed.

thump

two posts in one night? inconceivable! firstly, i'm just too lazy to do any homework that I could be doing tomorrow. secondly, emily just fell out of bed and hit the floor with a little bubs thump. i enjoy these moments. not because i'm mean and like it when my kids get hurt, but because i know she isn't hurt and the sound of a two year old hitting the floor in a little pile is kind of funny. mostly i like it because it is one of the rare (and becoming more rare as she continues to conquer the world) moments when i can scoop her up and hold her closely and she doesn't want to be put down. then i can smell her sweet baby smell and hold her while she wimpers herself back to sleep feeling safe. bubs is well into her "two-dom" but she's still my little babe. she still has tiny little fingers and toes and little fat dimples on her hands. and when i lay next to her to help her fall asleep, she will reach over with her bitty hands and rub my face and say "beautiful mommy." sweet baby. "i love her so much" (if you've never heard holly hunter say that phrase, you need to get to the video store and rent raising arizona. its one of my favorite comedies ever).