Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Where have all the cowboys gone?
A nagging question. Really. I'd guess they are wherever cowboys go. I actually really don't care where they are because I don't care about cowboys. This post has nothing at all to do with cowboys or their location. I guess if you count not caring about cowboys it kind of applies. The facts are these. At this moment young Mel has been a pastor's wife for 10 months, 3 days, 2 hours and 4 minutes (go watch Pushing Daisies and then you'll understand the phrasing). I haven't really considered myself to be a pastor's wife as such. I don't do all the things that typical pastors wives do like form knitting parties and ladies Bible studies or run the children's room or anything else of that nature. The past few months or so I've been wondering what that role means to me and to the people at Artisan. I don't know how approachable I am. I don't see myself as the warm and inviting person that I envision pastors wives as being. I'm sometimes socially awkward (mostly in large groups or around many women) and I don't always like to be around people who require me to give more of myself than I feel like giving (emotionally demanding people). Do not misunderstand me and think that I don't like people because I do. Sometimes I don't (like when I'm driving). Mostly I'm just retarded when it comes to relating to people or being able to help someone through a problem. And sometimes I'm a downright jerk and don't do things I probably should for various selfish reasons. At any rate, the purpose of this post was not to get down on myself for sucking at life and being a subpar pastor's wife but to throw it out to see what other people's conceptions are. Somewhere along the way I will arrive at a place that I can live with whether I'm comfortable or not (as I don't believe that God is always terribly concerned with how comfortable I am).